When I started drinking coffee as a high school student, I added sugar since it was too bitter otherwise. I imagined that drinking coffee was a signal that I knew how to be an adult (or maybe adult-ish). In my first year of college, I lived in a dorm with a cafeteria that was above street level and had stairs leading down. When rushing down those stairs to an 8 am class, with a paper cup of coffee, I often sloshed a little out of the cup and on my hand. That sugared coffee was sticky and so, in the absence of lids, I decided to cut out the sugar. In the years since then, I have taken my coffee black. (Well, other than mud-like Turkish-style coffees or Louisiana chicory blends.)
You’d think a cup of black coffee would be just about the easiest order at a restaurant or cafe. But, this story highlighted two things that have created a bit of friction in the life of a “just black coffee” drinker.
The first issue is that, at coffee shops, like Starbucks, many of the people in line ahead of you are ordering some complicated, sugary drink that has to be carefully negotiated with the server. And it takes a lot of time – relative to a straight cup of black coffee – to prepare. So dashing into the shop to get a “quick” cup of coffee often turns into a long-ish wait in a line behind these sugar and spice folks. This phenomenon also causes me to mostly avoid any drive-through lane at a coffee shop.
The second issue is that many servers don’t actually know what “black coffee” means. I typically order a medium size “black coffee” and most of the time, 3 seconds later, the server then asks the words they must learn in training – “room for cream?” Aside from not listening to the customer, some of these servers don’t actually know that “black coffee” means no cream or sugar. I get a puzzled look, and the server gets an unwanted, 5 second tutorial.
I’m not sure if this is a sign that Western civilization is near its end, but we have failed as a society to pass along information that is useful and maybe essential for day-to-day life. This is probably not the source of divisive culture wars or other failures to ensure that the basic concepts and principals that made America great are being inculcated in younger generations, but it means something. My contribution to keeping America diverse and nimble and strong is to keep asking for “black coffee” and ensure that this knowledge is passed to as many as possible. No need to thank me; just doing my part.
What Are We To Make of This? 